Yes, I, Too, Am A Biker

Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2022 6:21 pm

This article was written by a club member in a mc club I used to belong to. It was published in the Jan/Feb 2007 edition of RoadBike Magazine.

"GET OUTTA HERE, YOU'RE A BIKER?"
How often have I heard that, like I was coming out of the closet? Why is it that the biker stereotype is so far off the mark? People seem to assume that all bikers are a combination of Sonny Barger, Marlon "The Wild One" Brando, Junior and Senior Paul Teutul, Indian Larry, and Easy Rider's Billy and Wyatt. It is also well known that bikers only ride Harleys.
Biker equals "bad with attitude" to those who are motorcycle challenged. Yet, I have met hundreds of bikers, and I can hardly recall anyone who wore his leathers over a burly, hairy, and naked chest, bore numerous tattoos, had interesting scars, shaved his head, swore, swaggered, drank hard, rode harder, smoked black cheroots, smelled like Jovan Musk (but did smell musky), and rode only on flat-black American iron.
The female equivalents are bimbos or. .. never mind, this is a family magazine. Oh, there have been a few, the wannabee profilers and trailer queens with designer jeans who bought into the lifestyle but worked hard to hide the fact that they were accountants or chiropractors in their real lives. Then again, maybe it's the sheltered existence I've led. I will keep looking for the genuine article bad biker along with yetis herding unicorns.
Problem: The bikers I know look like me, sorta, and not bad like they should. I am 6' and shrinking yearly and weigh about 160 pounds wet. I have no body art, just a few boring scars, and my hair is thinning. I only wear spectacles to see.
My confederates may be taller or shorter, fatter or thinner, occasionally female, hairy or Jess so, eagle-eyed or wearing glasses or contacts, older or younger, sometimes sweaty on hot days, and usually not very tattooed, if at all. They just don't fit the mold any more than I do. What they are is no-attitude riders and not the expected bad bikers.
For example, one guy I know, who we call Reno because that is his name, is something of a rider and goal oriented. He is a fellow Ramapo MC Club member whom I have known for about 20 years. He averages 40,000 to 50,000 miles a year on bikes. If I remember his recent mission correctly, he is shooting for a half-million miles on a BMW K75. He is getting there fast, too. Reno does not look anything like the true biker definition but more like the lawyer he is, without the three-piece suit.
Kathy, another club member, is short and not the passenger type. Reaching the ground from her two-wheeled perch is a tiptoe proposition. She overcompensates by not putting her feet down to stop for miles. I followed her for a bit on a winding road tour until she lost me in her dust. Truly fast company. Was that embarrassing? Not a bit - I am envious because she is so good.
Now picture an evangelist in your mind's eye. Do you see a tall, white-haired, twinkle-eyed, ruddy-complexioned, soft-spoken gent? That would be Conrad, except that he is retired, was never a preacher, and is a polar bear. Freezing weather and snow? Pah, Conrad is on the go.
Bill is another one: a schoolteacher by lay and Iron Butter at his core. Bill just finished hitting 49 states in nine days, and tossed in a transCanada run and, I think, the Four Corners or some such - all told, about a zillion miles in a couple of weeks. Too bad Bill does not look like a biker; think how much better he could do. It is a wonder that pretenders Kenny Roberts and Mike Kneebone have amounted to anything at all.
For you legions considering an extreme makeover to achieve that bad biker image, hold off! There is good news for us all: Now that profiling is taboo, your appearance can no longer be held against you. You may now be a genuine biker, even if you don't look like one. Just work on that attitude thing. Feel better now? - Bob Hibler

Chico